In God We Trust
by Merita
Bajraktari-McCormack
It was the mid of the 1980-s. We, the Albanians
who lived during those years in the country, remember very
well the great economic and spiritual suffering. Economically the
country was among the world’s poorest and we were heading towards starvation
and we were also empty spiritually. Our brain was being filled with
Marxist-Leninist ideology and for people of my generation, who were just young
children at that time it was a very confusing period. It was constantly
filled with uncertainty and a lot of stress.
I had “escaped“ the communist regime’s grip for the moment
and found myself a student at the Agricultural Institute of Kamėz,
today known as the Agriculture University of Tirana. I say “escape”
as my family’s political “biography "
was a “gloomy one” . That meant my family was an anticommunist
one and that we were “stamped” with that name, bearing no rights to study or to
move.
The local communist party chiefs were not so comfortable
with letting me go and study beyond High School, but it had already happened.
In another story I share how did that happen. At college we were a small group
of students who were watched carefully and were kept under a
"radar" as to what we would do or say. We were those students who, in
the subjects of Marxist ideology and the History of the Socialist Labour (Communist) Party of
Albania would never be graded with the top marks. We were automatically denied
a couple of grades in those general education subjects just because of who
we were (politically that is).
The first day that I put foot on the premises of the
Institute, someone I knew told me to look at a gray haired man, in his
early fifties.
- “Look at that man,”-I heard,- “he is the great
philosopher, the number one Atheist in the
country. He is professor Hako, which Pope John Paul II
has condemned to death, a condemnation in absentia”
- “What “, - I asked -, rolling my eyes
- “The Vatican
doesn’t do that, it can never sentence someone to death like that, have you
any brains in you head ?”, - I
wondered
- “I sure do “,
- said the person – “he is a philosopher that has maddened the Vatican
and through his arguments he has shown that religion really is
the "opium " for the people”.
I had so much to do those first days, so I really forgot
about that encounter and that professor until 1987 when he lectured my
class on Marxism and Leninism Theory and Ideology. That was during my
junior year in college. It was the year 1987, when the pluralism of ideas
began, the pluralism of opinions and of thoughts were allowed and wee to be tolerated.
People could now begin to express different opinions.
And, we, the students at the Institute, were part of it, in
the hope that one day we would be able to finally say something freely, without
the fear of being persecuted for what we might say. We hoped!
Back into the lecture hall, it was a lecture on Marxist
subjects, as usual. At the end of the lecture the professor asked:
- “ Any one has any
questions?”
- The atheist
professor of Marxism had just explained something " dialectic
" that nothing disappears but everything evolves and is
transformed .
- “Here” , - the professor had said , - “you
burn the wood , it becomes ashes, you spread
the ashes in the field of wheat or corn and that
gives nutrition to the plants it is a chain, it changes, it becomes
something else, never disappears, it only evolves”.
- “What about the soul , professor , what does the soul evolves
to ?” - cried
one of the students around me.
- “What did you say?”-the professor asked
There was silence
- “Any questions?”- the professor asked
Silence again .
- “So let us close, let us seal it for today
, there is no soul, there is no God, just
go and live today ; when a man dies his life ends. He becomes just
bones, just dirt afterwards….So there is no God ! There is just
mother nature. Ehhhh” –he sighed- “I am not giving detailed
explanations,”- and he went on closing his folder, preparing to leave the
auditorium.
Gazi was a student who was transferred as a sophomore to us
from another school.
He had a special weakness for USA and was always carrying
some American symbol and was always being secretive about it.
But he would share the “ forbidden American items” with only a handful of
people. I was one of the lucky students to be part of that
“handful” group. That day Gazi had a ten dollars bill with him and while the
professor was claiming that "there is no God, the transformation is
natural, there is no God but just Mother Nature etc.
", Gazi brought out the ten dollars note and said to me in a
low voice:
- "Merita , you know English,
what does this sentence mean?” - and he pointed
at the words printed on the bill:
-
- " In
God We Trust "
-
I barely kept my laughter and though I was sure Gazi knew
what that meant, I wrote it on a piece of paper with a large print as to
reiterate what we daily denied : “ NE ZOT NE BESOJME” – that is in Albanian
for “In God We Trust ". I handed the piece of paper to Gazi who
smiled and read it out loud.
- “Is there any question, there, hey, you over there, on the
right ?” - asked the philosophy professor, looking over at us.
Gazi lifted his head and said :
- “Professor you told us that everything is transformed
, so where does the soul goes after the death, professor , what does it become
according to the dialectic materialism”?
The professor did not change color in his face, nor did he
show any anger, but
somehow he seemed like he wanted
to stretch out his arms from the podium, reach
Gazi and shake him. He then said:
- “Oh you , you, I know where , I know
where you are heading with these words.
- Listen Rosi, he addressed Gazi by last name, we have tens
of students here who want serious answers to their serious questions. Dialectic
is a big thing, Rosi”-, and he began to “explain” his atheist stand
starting with the idea of why so much evil in the world if there was a God.
So as the days passed we were bombarded with hatred for
religion, for the true God, for Pope John Paul II and his
predecessors, for the clergy , for the religious institutions
in general. For the Pope, this spiritual leader to millions of
people, we were fed with the most poisonous thoughts and
accusations. We were told we were unlike other nations, we should not
mind the Rome’s anachronic Pope.
In the end why would we? We had our own self
-made "popes", some prepared in the Moscow’s universities
and some simply being blinded. We were taught that the Vatican’s Pope was
a bloodthirsty criminal, and that the Vatican was our
country’s third and most
dangerous enemy after USA and USSR. Hence
we heard and learnt a heavy load of rubbish at school.
At night though, in the silence of our hearts and homes, we
secretly tuned in to foreign languages radio stations. We
would hear the total opposite of what we were hearing at school and we were
both confused and sad. We wanted to believe our professors, yet, we were not
sure that what they were teaching us was true.
One day as we were walking
together, in the "rebels circle" ( we were given
that name after our “bad biography”) – we ran into a professor who
kept us somewhat closer. He was a kind man who also liked a free coffee
too. That day, as we offered him more than a coffee, we decided to ask
this professor the same question, where does the soul go after death?
- "Boys, girls, look, the problem is,
look do not joke with such things, you know that we are supposed to
be atheists, we are supposed to not believe in the soul” –the professor
said.
“There is nothing besides the body, the body dies, it
is transformed , bones remain, then they are dissolved, look guys, do not ask
such dangerous questions”.
- “But then “, - said Mara, a student who came five years
later to school and who was from the South ,-“ then professor , please tell us
, do you think the same as the professor who is "convicted" in
absentia by the Vatican ?”
- "Ugh ... I am late for my lecture" - he
rushed, - "leave it for later, do not mess with these things."
Make another donut that other coffee,- he asked the waitress,- “I will
eat it as I walk”
And he left us without answers.
We graduated and were sent back home, to where we were
to work for the state owned enterprises or cooperatives, until we experienced
the great shock of our lives, it was like a major lasting earthquake, a
revolution, the fall of Communism. Democracy and freedom
were coming to us !
April 25th, 1993. The Pope visited Albania. I worked
in Tirana, the capital of the country at that time, and luckily was
there and saw the Pope riding in his bulletproof car almost no farther
than several meters away and do not know how to describe what I felt.
It was a sea of people, the largest crowd ever gathered, there was serenity; there
was enthusiasm, joy, prayers and tears. I remember Ava, my 4 -year relative
who, as we followed the pope mobile pointed her finger at the Pope as the pope
mobile moved on and shouted: "Papa, Papa, God, God", and her mother excitedly told her
that he was the Pope who was sent by God to us. I heard that
mother-daughter exchange and felt at peace and very happy. I couldn’t
explain then what it was, now I know it was Grace touching our hearts, the veil
was being lifted and we were able to see the Pope visiting us, the one who
had been taught to hate him; he was giving us so much love, telling us the
Truth, pointing us to the Source of all!
A year later, I saw the Pope on Sunday April 10, 1994 during
Easter in St. Peter's Square in Vatican. The next day my then husband
to be and I were to be married in Rome. His parents were with us. That
Easter Sunday, they, the cradle Catholics, were so excited. I saw tears in
their eyes listening to Pope’s Urbi
et Orbi blessing. They filmed the Pope’s address and were so
happy. While I tried to grasp all what was happening, I could not help but
think about my Atheist professor and many others. I was living a
historical moment, not understanding it, yet being overwhelmed by what I was
witnessing. I began to explore and learn. I got to know the Pope a little,
began to study the Faith and began to open my heart to Grace. After so
many years, now, am better informed and definitely transformed, I rejoice in
the canonization of the beloved Pope and his predecessor. I feel, acknowledge
and am thankful for the many blessings. I also, in prayer, wonder how many more
Albanians, like me were touched by Saint Pope John Paul II and whether my
former professors have tasted the Grace of that true Love and Mercy that I am
so much blessed with.
